SoberlyCo Newsletter #5: Festival Season Without the Hangover (Dancing Sober at Under the Drum)

Sorry this is a little late, I’m still buzzing from one of the best weekends I've had in years.

Last weekend, my wife and I flew over to Belfast for Under the Drum—a brilliant festival showcasing artists from all over Ireland. Beautiful setting, incredible music, and me facing my biggest sobriety test yet: a proper Irish music festival.

Three months ago, I would have been terrified.

The thought of navigating crowds, making small talk with strangers, and—God help me—dancing without several pints of courage? It felt impossible.

But something's shifted since I started this journey.

The Festival Fear

Before I dive into what happened, let me paint you the picture of what social events used to look like for me:

Arrival: Straight to the bar. "Just one to settle the nerves."

Hour 2: Second pint. "Now I'm ready to be social."

Hour 4: Third pint. "This music is incredible!" (Was it though?)

Hour 6: Fourth pint. "I should definitely dance now."

Hour 8: Lost count. Dancing badly, talking nonsense, missing half the acts.

Next morning: Piecing together fragments of what was supposed to be an amazing experience.

This time, I had a different plan.

Strategy 1: The Cautious Start

When we arrived at Under the Drum, I made a conscious decision that probably saved my weekend: I avoided the bar runs at first.

Not because I didn't trust myself, but because I wanted to gauge how comfortable my mates were with my sobriety before putting myself in that environment.

Here's what I did instead:

• Found the coffee stand (genuinely excellent coffee, by the way)

• Positioned myself where I could see the stage clearly

• Started conversations about the music, not the drinks

• Let others do the bar runs while I held down our spot

The result? By the time I felt ready to navigate the bar area, I'd already established myself as "the guy who's having a brilliant time without drinking" rather than "the guy who's awkwardly refusing drinks."

Strategy 2: Alcohol-Free Guinness

When I finally did venture to the bar (around hour 3, when I felt completely comfortable), I discovered something wonderful: they stocked alcohol-free Guinness.

Now, I know what you're thinking—"How can it be Guinness without the alcohol?" But honestly, it tastes remarkably close to the real thing, and more importantly, it gave me something proper to hold.

Having that familiar dark pint in my hand was a game-changer. People stopped asking what I was drinking, stopped offering to buy me "real" drinks, and I felt like I fit in while staying true to my commitment.

Pro tip: I alternated between alcohol-free Guinness and coffee throughout the day. The coffee kept my energy up, the Guinness kept the questions down.

Strategy 3: The Dancing Revelation

Here's where the evening got interesting. Around 10 PM, the headlining act came on, and everyone started getting properly into the music. People were dancing, singing along, completely lost in the moment.

And that's when I made a discovery that changed everything.

Dancing sober when everyone else is a bit drunk is actually the easiest part of the night.

Think about it: when people are tipsy and just trying to have a good time, they couldn't care less whether you're drinking or not. They're not analyzing your behavior or questioning your choices—they're just enjoying the music.

I found myself dancing with more confidence than I'd had in years. Not because I was numbed by alcohol, but because I was genuinely enjoying the music and the atmosphere.

The difference was profound:

• I could actually hear the music properly

• I remembered every song that was played

• I wasn't worried about embarrassing myself

• I was present for the entire experience

The Confidence Evolution

Standing there on the dance floor, moving to music from some incredible Irish artists, I realized something that stopped me in my tracks:

The longer I'm sober, the easier it becomes to enjoy myself.

Before this journey, I thought I needed alcohol to do basic social things:

• Make small talk with strangers

• Dance without feeling self-conscious

• Enjoy live music

• Feel confident in crowds

But here I was, doing all of these things naturally.

It wasn't that the alcohol had been giving me confidence—it had been replacing the confidence I already had. All those years of relying on drinks to "loosen up," I'd been training myself to believe I couldn't be social without them.

Sobriety didn't take away my personality. It revealed it.

The Perfect Ending

Sunday morning—our last day before flying home—my wife and I decided to treat ourselves to something I never would have done with a hangover: a cold swim in the local pond followed by a sauna session.

Picture this: Crystal clear water, surrounded by Irish countryside, followed by the most relaxing sauna I've ever experienced.

If I'd been nursing a hangover like in the old days, I would have spent the morning in bed, complaining about feeling rough, wasting our last few hours in Ireland.

Instead, we had this perfect, clear-headed experience that I'll remember forever. We talked about the music we'd heard, the people we'd met, the dancing we'd done.

Every moment was crisp and real.

What I Took Home (Besides Great Memories)

1. Festivals are actually better sober. You remember the music, you enjoy the dancing, and you wake up ready for more adventures instead of recovering from the night before.

2. Confidence grows with practice. Each sober social event builds your belief that you can enjoy yourself without alcohol. It's like a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

3. People care less than you think. Once you're clearly having a good time, most people don't give a second thought to what's in your glass.

4. The morning after is a gift. Waking up with clear memories and energy instead of regret and exhaustion is something I'll never take for granted.

This Weekend's Festival Mindset Challenge

Whether you're heading to a festival, wedding, or just a night out, try this approach:

Before you go:

1. Find your anchor drink - Discover what you actually enjoy drinking that isn't alcohol

2. Plan your positioning - Think about where you'll feel most comfortable initially

3. Set your intention - Remember why you want to stay sober for this event

During the event: 

4. Start cautiously - Give yourself time to feel comfortable before navigating tricky situations

5. Focus on the experience - Really listen to the music, engage with the performances, be present

6. Join in when it feels natural - Don't force yourself to dance or socialize, but don't hold back when the moment feels right

After the event: 

7. Celebrate your clear memories - Write down your favorite moments while they're still fresh

8. Notice your energy levels - Compare how you feel the next day to how you used to feel

The Real Victory

I flew home on Sunday evening with clear memories of every artist we saw, every conversation we had, and every moment we shared. My wife and I spent the journey talking about our favorite performances, planning our next adventure, and feeling genuinely connected to the experience we'd just had.

That cold swim and sauna on Sunday morning wasn't just a nice way to end the weekend—it was a celebration of being present for the entire experience.

In the old days, I would have been too rough to even consider it. Now, it felt like the perfect way to honor a weekend well-lived.

Hit reply and tell me:

• What's your biggest upcoming social challenge?

• Have you found any alcohol-free drinks that you actually enjoy?

• What activities do you avoid because you think you need alcohol to enjoy them?

Here's to dancing like no one's watching (because when you're sober, you remember if they were),

Paddy